I am moving this up. I am changing focus. I desire to give full attention to those that need this information. But I believe it might be a better source of encouragement for me to share in another venue. I just simply think that in reality the best place to find answers is in reading the bible.
If you have been coming here to seek out a place for answers - like I said, I am shifting - not dropping this dream, this desire to help, but SHIFTING to a more stable source of help.
If you are interested in learning more about that help leave your email in the email landing spot and a comment, I will contact you.
Because He IS the I AM, i am
robyn rochelle
Saturday, July 2, 2016
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
Single Moms - Kids - Communication
Communication is considered one of the most important aspects of relationship. Without it everything just seems to blow up.
As a single mom, I was continually concerned about communication. Was I listening well enough? Was I being clear in my boundaries? Were we connecting? Did my kids know without question that I wished things could be different, but they simply weren't and we were doing the best in sometimes tough situations. Did my kids know that I loved them and would do anything to be in relationship with them.
The next few weeks I would like to hit on some of the things I have learned about communication.
First, I learned that an opportunity for each person to express themselves is unbelievably empowering.
I find that often in conversations of more than two people there ends up being several competing conversations going on. Don't you find that too? You know what I mean. You are listening intently to the person sitting next to you when you happen to hear a few words from a conversation across the room and all of a sudden you are listening to both conversations at the same time and trying to get the jest of each of them. It pretty much ruins your concentration over the conversation that you are actually in.
With this understanding, I have found that if we start a 'house rule' when we are all together at the table, in the living room, in the car... that each person has an opportunity to share their thoughts about whatever topic is being discussed without interruption, each person gets heard. One person has the 'floor' until that person is completely finished with their thought. Then someone else can share. Either in response to that thought or bringing an entire new thought.
This gives each person a chance to talk without competing with another person's add-ons. It instills in a group environment a sense that each person is valued and heard. Honestly, this one rule changes so many dynamics in the family system.
It takes practice, but it is worth it.
Try it. See how it works. Let me know.
RoRoEbenezer
& HoneyB
As a single mom, I was continually concerned about communication. Was I listening well enough? Was I being clear in my boundaries? Were we connecting? Did my kids know without question that I wished things could be different, but they simply weren't and we were doing the best in sometimes tough situations. Did my kids know that I loved them and would do anything to be in relationship with them.
The next few weeks I would like to hit on some of the things I have learned about communication.
First, I learned that an opportunity for each person to express themselves is unbelievably empowering.
I find that often in conversations of more than two people there ends up being several competing conversations going on. Don't you find that too? You know what I mean. You are listening intently to the person sitting next to you when you happen to hear a few words from a conversation across the room and all of a sudden you are listening to both conversations at the same time and trying to get the jest of each of them. It pretty much ruins your concentration over the conversation that you are actually in.With this understanding, I have found that if we start a 'house rule' when we are all together at the table, in the living room, in the car... that each person has an opportunity to share their thoughts about whatever topic is being discussed without interruption, each person gets heard. One person has the 'floor' until that person is completely finished with their thought. Then someone else can share. Either in response to that thought or bringing an entire new thought.
This gives each person a chance to talk without competing with another person's add-ons. It instills in a group environment a sense that each person is valued and heard. Honestly, this one rule changes so many dynamics in the family system.
It takes practice, but it is worth it.
Try it. See how it works. Let me know.
RoRoEbenezer
& HoneyB
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Spring means more activity - right? What to do when you don't know if the kids should go.
It's Holy Week.
Lots of kids are off or will be off of school for Spring Break.
Palm Sunday ushered in this week with aplomb here on the east coast. Snow on Saturday and cool on Sunday, Monday was beautiful here and today the same. The temps will rise and then fall again soon. Spring is here!
Our daffodils are all up but no real blooms yet. Q and I are ready.We await the possibilities of spring.
Do you?
How are things in your world? Is it beginning to brighten with the season change or are you in a place where you don't know which end is up?
With the onset of spring comes many requests from kids to go - go - go. I remember having to say no often when I was a single mom. But when do you say yes, and when do you say no?
When my kids were young and we were still an intact family we lived in a duplex. It was a nice neighborhood and we loved our neighbors. We got to know them well. They had children about our kids ages and kids filled the neighborhood. We were outside often playing with the neighbors kids and getting to know each other.
Then we moved onto base and left our little group of friends behind. Because the base was on the other side of town, we rarely saw each other. But we kept up with them via phone.
After about 6 months, I will never forget a call I received from our recent neighbor. She was in tears. She asked if I could come over for coffee, and we scheduled a time. As I sat and listened to her tale I ached inside.
You see the couple that moved into the duplex we had lived in seemed like a really nice couple. They had a little girl and they started the first few weeks in the neighborhood passing out birthday invitations to the kids. Their daughter was having a birthday party. They encouraged everyone to just drop their kids off and enjoy the afternoon. They would be having cake and ice cream and watching a kid movie downstairs in their basement. They had set up some games in one of the rooms and even had a trampoline in the backyard that could be played on.
The day came and, the house was bedecked with balloons and all sorts of fun. The families brought their kids over, stayed a few minutes, thanked the parents and left.
There were several kids there. Our neighbors, both working parents, thought this would be great time to get some time to themselves.
After the party, our friend's girls would go over occasionally next door to the new neighbors when my friend needed to run errands. We had had that kind of relationship when I had been there also.
You know those times when you would say to your next door neighbor, "I'm running to the store for some milk and eggs. Do you mind if Sally comes over to play for a while?"
"Of course not. Send her over. I don't have any plans for the day."
And then, my friend noticed her daughter beginning to refuse to eat. She really didn't remember when the refusal began, but as she thought about it, it had been going on since that birthday party. She also noticed that her little girl wouldn't play with her Barbie dolls anymore. In fact, she didn't play with anything. She would draw, or paint. But nothing else. Her mannerisms became more and more withdrawn and finally one day she noticed blood in her panties.
She took her to the doctor, thinking she might have a bladder infection. She was soon sitting across the table from a police officer asking her questions about her life, her husband, her family, her extended family, her neighbors.
Her daughter had been abused. Yes, in manners I will not expound on here. The investigation began and a huge child P ____ ring was uncovered. A ring led by the people that moved into our old house.
The ramifications were horrendous. The children in the neighborhood had all been abused. The trauma was devastating.
I sat that night in my children's bedrooms and cried. I cried for all of the children that have been put through those horrors. I cried for the children in my old neighborhood. I cried for their parents. I cried for my children and the reality that they were near misses to this horrible evil.
That night I made a promise to myself and to my family. I would never leave my children with anyone that I did not know well. They would never go for a sleep over with acquaintances and, I reserved the right to be able to drop over at any time when my children were visiting others (even with people I knew).
I made it clear that I might just drop back over and check on them. AND I DID! Often enough that the other families knew I meant it. Until my children were in middle school I kept a really close eye on their playmates and even in middle school I did not allow many sleep overs.
And I prayed before I let my children go anywhere or be anywhere without me, even church events. If there was any hesitation within my spirit, I said no.
I felt so strongly about this that one time, after making all of the plans for my daughter to spend the night over at a friend's house, I called her to check on her. I sensed something that felt odd within me. I told her to pack her bags I would be over to pick her up. When she got into the car she proceeded to tell me that the girl's father had come home drunk and angry. She had not known exactly what to do. She was so glad I came and picked her up.
So, listen to your still small voice, pay attention to your gut, for your children.
Now, does that mean my children escaped all possibility of problems. No, unfortunately not. But, it did give me a little idea of how quickly something like this can happen and how you cannot be too careful.
So, my advice is be caring, be kind, be cautious, be courageous! Recognize that sometimes it is better to have things in a little chaos in your own home and safety be the goal. Remember, your child does not have to attend every party he/she is invited to. Be aware. Awareness is almost half the battle. Remember you can always go and pick up your child in the middle of anything if you have a bad feeling.
May you keep your children safe and may you find great comfort in knowing that you are doing your best.
I hope these words have been encouraging and helpful.
May I pray for you?
Dear Abba,
Please take care of the children that are in the care of the sweet mamma reading this blog. Please cover them with your protection and remind them that You are with them. Give them guidance in how to say yes and no to their children. Give them courage to say no when they are being prompted by your sweet small voice to say 'No'. Remind them that You will give them whatever they need.
Give them comfort in knowing that you have promised to be their husband and a father to the fatherless.
Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice.
Amen
May your days be filled with comfort in knowing that God is there for you. Reach out and take His hand.
RoRoEbenezer
&Honey B
Lots of kids are off or will be off of school for Spring Break.
Palm Sunday ushered in this week with aplomb here on the east coast. Snow on Saturday and cool on Sunday, Monday was beautiful here and today the same. The temps will rise and then fall again soon. Spring is here!
Our daffodils are all up but no real blooms yet. Q and I are ready.We await the possibilities of spring.
Do you?
How are things in your world? Is it beginning to brighten with the season change or are you in a place where you don't know which end is up?
With the onset of spring comes many requests from kids to go - go - go. I remember having to say no often when I was a single mom. But when do you say yes, and when do you say no?
When my kids were young and we were still an intact family we lived in a duplex. It was a nice neighborhood and we loved our neighbors. We got to know them well. They had children about our kids ages and kids filled the neighborhood. We were outside often playing with the neighbors kids and getting to know each other.
Then we moved onto base and left our little group of friends behind. Because the base was on the other side of town, we rarely saw each other. But we kept up with them via phone.
After about 6 months, I will never forget a call I received from our recent neighbor. She was in tears. She asked if I could come over for coffee, and we scheduled a time. As I sat and listened to her tale I ached inside.
You see the couple that moved into the duplex we had lived in seemed like a really nice couple. They had a little girl and they started the first few weeks in the neighborhood passing out birthday invitations to the kids. Their daughter was having a birthday party. They encouraged everyone to just drop their kids off and enjoy the afternoon. They would be having cake and ice cream and watching a kid movie downstairs in their basement. They had set up some games in one of the rooms and even had a trampoline in the backyard that could be played on.
The day came and, the house was bedecked with balloons and all sorts of fun. The families brought their kids over, stayed a few minutes, thanked the parents and left.
There were several kids there. Our neighbors, both working parents, thought this would be great time to get some time to themselves.
After the party, our friend's girls would go over occasionally next door to the new neighbors when my friend needed to run errands. We had had that kind of relationship when I had been there also.
You know those times when you would say to your next door neighbor, "I'm running to the store for some milk and eggs. Do you mind if Sally comes over to play for a while?"
"Of course not. Send her over. I don't have any plans for the day."
And then, my friend noticed her daughter beginning to refuse to eat. She really didn't remember when the refusal began, but as she thought about it, it had been going on since that birthday party. She also noticed that her little girl wouldn't play with her Barbie dolls anymore. In fact, she didn't play with anything. She would draw, or paint. But nothing else. Her mannerisms became more and more withdrawn and finally one day she noticed blood in her panties.
She took her to the doctor, thinking she might have a bladder infection. She was soon sitting across the table from a police officer asking her questions about her life, her husband, her family, her extended family, her neighbors.
Her daughter had been abused. Yes, in manners I will not expound on here. The investigation began and a huge child P ____ ring was uncovered. A ring led by the people that moved into our old house.
The ramifications were horrendous. The children in the neighborhood had all been abused. The trauma was devastating.
I sat that night in my children's bedrooms and cried. I cried for all of the children that have been put through those horrors. I cried for the children in my old neighborhood. I cried for their parents. I cried for my children and the reality that they were near misses to this horrible evil.
That night I made a promise to myself and to my family. I would never leave my children with anyone that I did not know well. They would never go for a sleep over with acquaintances and, I reserved the right to be able to drop over at any time when my children were visiting others (even with people I knew).
I made it clear that I might just drop back over and check on them. AND I DID! Often enough that the other families knew I meant it. Until my children were in middle school I kept a really close eye on their playmates and even in middle school I did not allow many sleep overs.
And I prayed before I let my children go anywhere or be anywhere without me, even church events. If there was any hesitation within my spirit, I said no.
I felt so strongly about this that one time, after making all of the plans for my daughter to spend the night over at a friend's house, I called her to check on her. I sensed something that felt odd within me. I told her to pack her bags I would be over to pick her up. When she got into the car she proceeded to tell me that the girl's father had come home drunk and angry. She had not known exactly what to do. She was so glad I came and picked her up.
So, listen to your still small voice, pay attention to your gut, for your children.
Now, does that mean my children escaped all possibility of problems. No, unfortunately not. But, it did give me a little idea of how quickly something like this can happen and how you cannot be too careful.
So, my advice is be caring, be kind, be cautious, be courageous! Recognize that sometimes it is better to have things in a little chaos in your own home and safety be the goal. Remember, your child does not have to attend every party he/she is invited to. Be aware. Awareness is almost half the battle. Remember you can always go and pick up your child in the middle of anything if you have a bad feeling.
May you keep your children safe and may you find great comfort in knowing that you are doing your best.
I hope these words have been encouraging and helpful.
May I pray for you?
Dear Abba,
Please take care of the children that are in the care of the sweet mamma reading this blog. Please cover them with your protection and remind them that You are with them. Give them guidance in how to say yes and no to their children. Give them courage to say no when they are being prompted by your sweet small voice to say 'No'. Remind them that You will give them whatever they need.
Give them comfort in knowing that you have promised to be their husband and a father to the fatherless.
Thank you Jesus for your sacrifice.
Amen
May your days be filled with comfort in knowing that God is there for you. Reach out and take His hand.
RoRoEbenezer
&Honey B
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Spring is in the Air
The tulips are popping up, the daffodils are waving, and in the great Texas landscape the bluebonnets are blooming.
I remember the excitement of Spring. I remember my kids starting to get cabin fever and I remember them counting the days until Spring Break.
But, for me, Spring simply meant I had to start thinking hard and heavy about Spring Break and Summer. What in the heck was I to do for the holiday or all summer with kids and no school?
One of the things that catapulted me into the teaching field was divorce. Granted, as a stay home mom I had taught my oldest from home. I even enjoyed those days. But, as my youngest was heading into Kindergarten, I was looking forward to going back to school and continuing my education in University for my dream career. I had dropped out of University when my first child was born (thinking I would just take a few years off). I had quite my paying job and become a stay home mom once my second child was born. And then when number three came along I had a plan to begin back to school and my dreams and my career when he entered Kindergarten.
My ex-husband had other plans. He moved out of the house in December the year my youngest started Kindergarten. I moved into a rental that January. I had begun my entry back to school at a Junior College at the same time my youngest was beginning Kindergarten. It was the plan, right? And then the other shoe dropped. He didn't want to be married anymore.
There were many questions during that semester. I made it through with a decent grade, but it was tough. Then the real questions began, what do I do next semester? Go back to school? Go back to work? What do I do with kids during their holidays, during their summer months? How do I make enough money to live when I am paying for school, for rent, for food all on a minimum child support check?
I made the decision to go back to school. I lived on child support and odd jobs here and there. We barely had enough money to live on. In fact, there were times when we didn't have food in the fridge, or pantry. God supplied in amazing ways. We survived those three years and I have never regretted them.
I have to admit, I hated going through them, but I have never regretted them. It was a time of us pulling together and all of us moving toward the goal of my graduation!
And graduate I did. I began my years as a teacher in my early 30's and my kids basically went to school with me.
There are two things that came out of this time:
1. I saw God provide in miraculous ways.
2. My family learned how to get through tough times and how important certain things were.
Now, does this mean that you must get an education degree - pronto?
Of course not. This simply means that where ever you are right now, either struggling in the working world, or struggling to get a degree, you are right where you and your family are meant to be. You are in a time of growth and of struggle because these situations honestly bring the mettle into you and your children's character.
Talking to my kids about the realities of our situation without overwhelming them with the details was a balancing act. I did it well some days, and some days I didn't. But I made it through better and more equipped to take on life in other new ways. And my kids did too.
You might have to get a babysitter, send the kids to daycare for the summer, or find a summer camp to lodge them. You might be lucky enough to have grandparents, or dear friends that are willing to take the kids for the summer while you wade through those days alone in a house, missing them like crazy, but doing what needs to be done for their livelihood. You might even look into asking a reliable/trustworthy neighbor if they can take care of them for the duration of holidays and summer so you can be with them in the evenings and only away from them during the day. REALIZE that this is simply for a season.
Soon they will be old enough to stay home through the summers, through the holidays and be with you. Talking to them about the whys and hows of your job, your classes, your decisions. This will help them better understand that you are not simply packing them off because you don't want to be around them. If you let them know your heart during these moments of struggle, when they are able to stay home, they will do it more maturely. They will understand that to build a home with trust in each other and well-being in the family is the goal.
I know that holidays and summers are difficult. But hold on, girl. You can do this. You have them only for a short time. They will grow up and fly. Be the mom that built their wings to be strong enough to handle their own storms that always will come in life.
May I pray for you?
Abba,
Take care of this mom that loves her babies so much. Take care of her as she deals with the struggles and the concerns of holidays and summer care. Surround her with the provision that she needs to make it through these lean days. Allow her to know that she can make it and that her children will not only make it but benefit from this time that you have them in the shadows. Remind her that communication is the benefit of struggle. Without it comes dissension and rebellion. Give her strength to keep the door open and their lives with the end result in mind. Allow her to love You as her husband and provider. Give her strength, tenderness, and courage. In your name - Amen.
I remember the excitement of Spring. I remember my kids starting to get cabin fever and I remember them counting the days until Spring Break.
But, for me, Spring simply meant I had to start thinking hard and heavy about Spring Break and Summer. What in the heck was I to do for the holiday or all summer with kids and no school?
One of the things that catapulted me into the teaching field was divorce. Granted, as a stay home mom I had taught my oldest from home. I even enjoyed those days. But, as my youngest was heading into Kindergarten, I was looking forward to going back to school and continuing my education in University for my dream career. I had dropped out of University when my first child was born (thinking I would just take a few years off). I had quite my paying job and become a stay home mom once my second child was born. And then when number three came along I had a plan to begin back to school and my dreams and my career when he entered Kindergarten.
My ex-husband had other plans. He moved out of the house in December the year my youngest started Kindergarten. I moved into a rental that January. I had begun my entry back to school at a Junior College at the same time my youngest was beginning Kindergarten. It was the plan, right? And then the other shoe dropped. He didn't want to be married anymore.
There were many questions during that semester. I made it through with a decent grade, but it was tough. Then the real questions began, what do I do next semester? Go back to school? Go back to work? What do I do with kids during their holidays, during their summer months? How do I make enough money to live when I am paying for school, for rent, for food all on a minimum child support check?
I made the decision to go back to school. I lived on child support and odd jobs here and there. We barely had enough money to live on. In fact, there were times when we didn't have food in the fridge, or pantry. God supplied in amazing ways. We survived those three years and I have never regretted them.
I have to admit, I hated going through them, but I have never regretted them. It was a time of us pulling together and all of us moving toward the goal of my graduation!
And graduate I did. I began my years as a teacher in my early 30's and my kids basically went to school with me.
There are two things that came out of this time:
1. I saw God provide in miraculous ways.
2. My family learned how to get through tough times and how important certain things were.
Now, does this mean that you must get an education degree - pronto?
Of course not. This simply means that where ever you are right now, either struggling in the working world, or struggling to get a degree, you are right where you and your family are meant to be. You are in a time of growth and of struggle because these situations honestly bring the mettle into you and your children's character.
Talking to my kids about the realities of our situation without overwhelming them with the details was a balancing act. I did it well some days, and some days I didn't. But I made it through better and more equipped to take on life in other new ways. And my kids did too.
You might have to get a babysitter, send the kids to daycare for the summer, or find a summer camp to lodge them. You might be lucky enough to have grandparents, or dear friends that are willing to take the kids for the summer while you wade through those days alone in a house, missing them like crazy, but doing what needs to be done for their livelihood. You might even look into asking a reliable/trustworthy neighbor if they can take care of them for the duration of holidays and summer so you can be with them in the evenings and only away from them during the day. REALIZE that this is simply for a season.
Soon they will be old enough to stay home through the summers, through the holidays and be with you. Talking to them about the whys and hows of your job, your classes, your decisions. This will help them better understand that you are not simply packing them off because you don't want to be around them. If you let them know your heart during these moments of struggle, when they are able to stay home, they will do it more maturely. They will understand that to build a home with trust in each other and well-being in the family is the goal.
I know that holidays and summers are difficult. But hold on, girl. You can do this. You have them only for a short time. They will grow up and fly. Be the mom that built their wings to be strong enough to handle their own storms that always will come in life.
May I pray for you?
Abba,
Take care of this mom that loves her babies so much. Take care of her as she deals with the struggles and the concerns of holidays and summer care. Surround her with the provision that she needs to make it through these lean days. Allow her to know that she can make it and that her children will not only make it but benefit from this time that you have them in the shadows. Remind her that communication is the benefit of struggle. Without it comes dissension and rebellion. Give her strength to keep the door open and their lives with the end result in mind. Allow her to love You as her husband and provider. Give her strength, tenderness, and courage. In your name - Amen.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Life Focus? HUH?
I know that for me in the early days of being a single mom, my life focus was to get up and put my body in clothes, my feet in shoes, and my hands to work at whatever had to be worked that particular day.
Make sure the bills are paid.
Make sure the kids are bathed.
Make sure the doors are locked!
Life Focus?
SERIOUSLY?
Life was a never ending quest of 'NEED to DO-s'.
And then a question was asked:
Imagine you are standing before the Great God of the Universe, the wonderful God who IS and life is over. What do you want to be able to say you lived your life for?
This questioned changed my life. I searched my heart for a few weeks before I came up with my Life Focus. I call it my plumb line. (Forgive me, my dad was an engineer - a plumb line keps life, buildings, and anything else that needs to be straight and aligned, straight and aligned!)
Now, I had heard the wonderful analogy of filling a jar with marble and sand. You might not have heard of this. If you have please bear with me.
Take a large jar, a large amount of marbles and a bag of sand.
Fill the jar with sand and then put in the marbles... can you get any in?
Now fill the jar with marbles and pour in the sand. Can the sand fill up the empty spots?
Imagine that the sand is life's urgency and the marbles are life's valued desires
If we don't put our most valued desires into our day plan first, our day will be filled up with only life's urgency!
But if we put our most valued desires into our day plan first, our urgent issues will still get taken care of and our days will be more profitable all around.
And that sounded really good and it sounded like days would end better if I did this, but it was simply to small. It was about JOBS and TO DOs. I never made the jump to life until I was asked the above question.
But this isn't simply our days, it is our lives as well.
We find our focus, our plumb line. We straighten out when we imagine the end.
What would you say is the one thing that you would like to be able to say to God when you have no more life to live?
I asked myself this question and spent several weeks thinking about it. When I figured the answer to this question, life took on a different shape. I asked myself more and more often: does this align with my plumb line, my life focus?
Once I figured out my One THING, every thing I did in life was checked by this one Focal Point, this Plumb Line. Does this (whatever it is that I was doing) lead me closer to or further away from my focal point, my plumb line?
Does my day align with my one end desire? What do I want to be able to say I tried to do for God? for this world? for my children? for myself? The one most important thing. Am I doing it?
Granted, I know this is hard.
I know because I have had the house, the bills, the craziness, the dark gloom, the moments of hysteria! I have had them all. But, when I figured this one thing out, life got better and better.
It wasn't over night. However, I put the One THING on a BIG piece of paper and taped it to my bathroom mirror. I read it every day as I was preparing for work. I read it at night when I was overwhelmed by the day and wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere. I read it and read it and read it.
The longer I read it, the more I realized it on a daily basis. My thoughts began to change and I chose different things. I Lived More Purposefully.
Today isn't the beginning of the New Year. It isn't even the beginning of a new month. But it is the beginning of this moment, which will lead to the next moment and the next and the next.
And when all those moments are gathered together and form a day, you have two day end results. A day filled with urgent or a day filled with purpose.
And as we know, moments lead to days, lead to months, lead to years and these complete a life.
So my encouragement for you today:
Search your heart. What do you want to be able to give God when you see Him?
Yes, imagine standing before the Great God of the Universe, the wonderful God who IS. Life is over. What is the one thing that is most important?
The answer to this question can be your plumb line. The answer to this question can help you decide what to do, try, work on next. Does this act move me closer to my plumb line?
I hope this word of encouragement helps you wherever you are in life. May we live it to the fullest.
RoRoEbenezer
&HoneyB
Monday, February 8, 2016
I'm high up in the atmosphere somewhere between Maryland and Texas.
The Man and I are taking a trip to meet my mom. I'm 59 years old, 5 months into my 2nd marriage and I'm taking my man to meet my mom. We're both a little nervous. LOL!
Last week, don't beat me, we were both sick as could be. The Man got something going in his nose on Thursday the week before. By Tuesday I'd joined him and by Tuesday after midnight we were contemplating hospital for him.
Fuzzy eyes and shaky fingers do not make a blog readable nor enjoyable. I succumbed to the bed, for days!!! We slept, coughed, sneezed, took gallons of Mucinex. Finally, yesterday I was feeling sort of alive. All of the things I'd planned to do to prepare for the trip we are on right now were thrown behind me and the sweet house/dog sitter must simply wade through the clothes left on the Grandbabies bed a mile high. Our moving in is in process but not complete!
Thankfully there are two other beds she can choose to sleep on! As long as Ebenezer, Bourbon, or Ginger don't get the best sleeping spots in the house.
Last post I set you on a discovery of getting your houses in order.
I was asked to add pictures. I contemplated doing just that, but thought better of it. I honestly believe the book I linked to is the best option for instruction on this endeavor. And I wouldn't want to be in any way be thought plagiarizing. So I give them the credit they're due.
Buy the book, you won't regret it! I've held on to mine for 20 years!
Now, today I share about the gatherings that will be happening for the next two weeks.
I go to two of my three children's homes during these next two weeks. Why would I share that? To give you hope.
One of my sons is a Firefighter, the other a Hospital Chaplain. When I think of all the things these two could have decided to become, I fill with gratitude for what God allowed in our family.
These two have families of their own. Both of my sons have thanked me for doing the hard work of emotionally healing from abuse, divorce, single life w/ kids and more. They recognize that because I was willing to dig into the emotional garbage and find healing and forgiveness, they will have an easier time raising their kids, and their children will have less baggage to deal with. Granted, they will still have baggage! But the source will not come from generations of poor choices added into poor choices.
How? I've done a lot of questioning. I've questioned my mom, my sisters, a few cousins and family friends. I've asked them what they remember of our growing up years. I've encouraged honesty and freedom of judgement. There have been moments that weren't pretty. But they have brought clarity. And today I'm thankful I traveled those roads. They explained much of why I made some of my choices. Both the good ones and the poor ones. And these, and other things, brought me to not only believe in my head and through my cultural worldView God is good, He's never left me in the midst of what I felt was defeat-disaster-destruction, and He's for me and not against me. Because of my life and its path God placed these truths deep into the depths of my spirit for me to own them within my heart. No one can ever remove my experience of His good Love and Provision.
So, dear one, alone and weary.
First ask yourself this question: Do you want to get well?
Really well.
No matter what you must experience to get there.
Question how you got where you are today. Be honest with yourself and with others. Speak truth in a tender and compassionate way and let this be your guide to moving into life.
Please share your thoughts if you feel this is a safe place.
Praying for you across the lands.
RoRoEbenezer
& HoneyB
The Man and I are taking a trip to meet my mom. I'm 59 years old, 5 months into my 2nd marriage and I'm taking my man to meet my mom. We're both a little nervous. LOL!
Last week, don't beat me, we were both sick as could be. The Man got something going in his nose on Thursday the week before. By Tuesday I'd joined him and by Tuesday after midnight we were contemplating hospital for him.
Fuzzy eyes and shaky fingers do not make a blog readable nor enjoyable. I succumbed to the bed, for days!!! We slept, coughed, sneezed, took gallons of Mucinex. Finally, yesterday I was feeling sort of alive. All of the things I'd planned to do to prepare for the trip we are on right now were thrown behind me and the sweet house/dog sitter must simply wade through the clothes left on the Grandbabies bed a mile high. Our moving in is in process but not complete!
Thankfully there are two other beds she can choose to sleep on! As long as Ebenezer, Bourbon, or Ginger don't get the best sleeping spots in the house.
Last post I set you on a discovery of getting your houses in order.
I was asked to add pictures. I contemplated doing just that, but thought better of it. I honestly believe the book I linked to is the best option for instruction on this endeavor. And I wouldn't want to be in any way be thought plagiarizing. So I give them the credit they're due.
Buy the book, you won't regret it! I've held on to mine for 20 years!
Now, today I share about the gatherings that will be happening for the next two weeks.
I go to two of my three children's homes during these next two weeks. Why would I share that? To give you hope.
One of my sons is a Firefighter, the other a Hospital Chaplain. When I think of all the things these two could have decided to become, I fill with gratitude for what God allowed in our family.
These two have families of their own. Both of my sons have thanked me for doing the hard work of emotionally healing from abuse, divorce, single life w/ kids and more. They recognize that because I was willing to dig into the emotional garbage and find healing and forgiveness, they will have an easier time raising their kids, and their children will have less baggage to deal with. Granted, they will still have baggage! But the source will not come from generations of poor choices added into poor choices.
How? I've done a lot of questioning. I've questioned my mom, my sisters, a few cousins and family friends. I've asked them what they remember of our growing up years. I've encouraged honesty and freedom of judgement. There have been moments that weren't pretty. But they have brought clarity. And today I'm thankful I traveled those roads. They explained much of why I made some of my choices. Both the good ones and the poor ones. And these, and other things, brought me to not only believe in my head and through my cultural worldView God is good, He's never left me in the midst of what I felt was defeat-disaster-destruction, and He's for me and not against me. Because of my life and its path God placed these truths deep into the depths of my spirit for me to own them within my heart. No one can ever remove my experience of His good Love and Provision.
So, dear one, alone and weary.
First ask yourself this question: Do you want to get well?
Really well.
No matter what you must experience to get there.
Question how you got where you are today. Be honest with yourself and with others. Speak truth in a tender and compassionate way and let this be your guide to moving into life.
Please share your thoughts if you feel this is a safe place.
Praying for you across the lands.
RoRoEbenezer
& HoneyB
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
New Year: I'm swearing off of Computer Evernote type stuff
It is December 29, 2015. The New Year lurks around the corner and I begin the plans for 2016. I've been searching the new Apps available to help us get organized and am throwing my hands in the air. I'm done. I look at the recommendations and the comments of these computer whiz ideas and without fail there are those that have been dissatisfied with these organizational help apps. Usually the disappointment lies in the app not downloading something correctly, or upgrading and not picking up the past information so it all must be re-entered, or a new way to work the app so a learning curve hits right when you are in a very important meeting, or in a conference. Yes, I am honestly done with the whole concept of having to constantly be on a learning curve to take care of mundane and unimportant daily endeavors. I have decided to go back to my own organizational planning system that has served me well in the past and I believe will rise to my aid now and in the future.
Are you with me in this? How do you handle the upcoming year? Do you set goals and resolutions?
At the beginning of my first marriage, I was young and a bit naive about the new year and it's power and excitement. I simply looked at life from day in and day out. I was a mom at age 20 and I was clueless on many life lessons.
By age 30 I was a single mom and operating in total survival mode.
By age 40 I can honestly say much had changed and life was really rocking pretty smoothly. LIFE had become an adventure and a Joy! If I only knew then what I know now - I can honestly say I would have been more content more quickly. What is fun to know: I'm here again. In a place of the unknown. Difference between me now and me at ages 20 and 30: I do know what I have learned in the past will profit me in this new year of new marriage and new life. Now, setting aside a few days to implement what I've learned in the past. I invite you along.
Are you ok with me sharing some helps that transformed life from chaos to productivity in those 10 years? Helps that changed me from survival mode to exciting life adventure mode? I hope they help you as you enter into this new year of 2016, I'm re-investing in them.
First, a disclaimer. I am a random/abstract thinker. I rarely think linearly. I found a system years ago that was begun by two sidetracked home executives and it worked for me. I implemented this system then and over the last 35 years the system has been re-invented numerous times. (due to moves, life changes, and culture changes)
I am here again. Needing to revamp the system. I was introduced to all sorts of computer planning apps in a course I'm taking on goal setting: '5 Days to you Best Year Ever by Michael Hyatt'. It is a great course. I am enjoying it. But, I got hung up on the computer planning apps.
There is within me a hesitancy to enter into something that will either change on me (i.e. update...) during the year, not copy what needs to be copied, or even drop or delete what I've worked so hard to get in place. Is it just me? Or, are you in that same frame of mind.
Oh I don't know. I just don't need any more stress. I would rather have something on paper. Something I can count on. Something that isn't going to go blank when I am ramping up to a really important deadline. So here is the nuts and bolts.
Write everything that you would like to do in your life on paper. I mean everything. If you would like to clean inside the light switches (don't laugh, I have family members that do that) - write it down. If you want to have clean windows, clean toilet, clean kitchen cabinets, dishwasher emptied/loaded, write a novel, or even replace batteries in your smoke alarm - write it down. Make a list no matter how long.
Using this abbreviated system: How often a job is done on a color 3X5 card.
Excerpts from Sidetracked Home Executives pg 58:
http://www.amazon.com/Sidetracked-Home-Executives-TM-Paradise/dp/0446677671
Frequency: How often a job is to be done.
D = Day
W = Weekly
EOW = Every Other Week
S= Sasonally
EOM = Every Other Month
2/Y = Twice a Year
M = Monthly
Y = Yearly
EOD = Every Other Day
2/W = Twice a week
Color: Which color 3X% card to use for each job.
Y = Yellow
B = Blue
W = White
P = Pink
1. Transfer ALL jobs to cards - one job per card.
2. Make Menu Plan
3. Label blank dividers: Storage, Christmas, Family and Special Projects: any projects that light up your life. File the newly labeled dividers between the months and the alphabet in your box.
4. Put dividers in card file in this order: 1-31, with current date forward; four special dividers; January-December; ABCs; extra cards in back.
5. Make piles of cards according to colors (four piles).
6. Using the calendar and Basic Week Plan, file pink cards first. (Most of them will have specific dates.)
7. File yellow (daily) cards in front of today's date if job has not been done today. Daily jobs already completed can be filed in front of tomorrow's date.
8. File yellow (every-other-day) cards in front of today's date if they haven't been done, or the day after tomorrow if already completed.
9. Sort out blue mini-job cards from the blue pile. Mini-jobs can be filed for any day, even a free day.
10. File all blue (weekly) cards on moderate-cleaning or heavy- cleaning days (except quiet activities, which go on your quiet day).
11. File all blue (every other week) cards up to fourteen days from current date.
12. Separate white (monthly and every other month) cards into three piles: mini-jobs, monthly, and every other month. File white minis anywhere in the numbers.
13. File all white (monthly) cards in the moderate - or heavy cleaning days of the month
14. File every other month white cards in the January-December dividers, TWO MONTHS from the current month.
15. Transfer birthdays and anniveraries from calendar and file in January-December section.
16. Make out white card "Check date" and file in front of number 25.
17. Using old address book or phone book, make out cards on loved ones and often-used phone numbers or places of business and file in ABC section
Please buy the book:
http://www.amazon.com/Sidetracked-Home-Executives-TM-Paradise/dp/0446677671
Blessings in this New Year:
RoRoEbenezer
& HoneyB + Ebenezer and Ginger&Bourbon
Are you with me in this? How do you handle the upcoming year? Do you set goals and resolutions?
At the beginning of my first marriage, I was young and a bit naive about the new year and it's power and excitement. I simply looked at life from day in and day out. I was a mom at age 20 and I was clueless on many life lessons.
By age 30 I was a single mom and operating in total survival mode.
By age 40 I can honestly say much had changed and life was really rocking pretty smoothly. LIFE had become an adventure and a Joy! If I only knew then what I know now - I can honestly say I would have been more content more quickly. What is fun to know: I'm here again. In a place of the unknown. Difference between me now and me at ages 20 and 30: I do know what I have learned in the past will profit me in this new year of new marriage and new life. Now, setting aside a few days to implement what I've learned in the past. I invite you along.
Are you ok with me sharing some helps that transformed life from chaos to productivity in those 10 years? Helps that changed me from survival mode to exciting life adventure mode? I hope they help you as you enter into this new year of 2016, I'm re-investing in them.
First, a disclaimer. I am a random/abstract thinker. I rarely think linearly. I found a system years ago that was begun by two sidetracked home executives and it worked for me. I implemented this system then and over the last 35 years the system has been re-invented numerous times. (due to moves, life changes, and culture changes)
I am here again. Needing to revamp the system. I was introduced to all sorts of computer planning apps in a course I'm taking on goal setting: '5 Days to you Best Year Ever by Michael Hyatt'. It is a great course. I am enjoying it. But, I got hung up on the computer planning apps.
There is within me a hesitancy to enter into something that will either change on me (i.e. update...) during the year, not copy what needs to be copied, or even drop or delete what I've worked so hard to get in place. Is it just me? Or, are you in that same frame of mind.
Oh I don't know. I just don't need any more stress. I would rather have something on paper. Something I can count on. Something that isn't going to go blank when I am ramping up to a really important deadline. So here is the nuts and bolts.
Write everything that you would like to do in your life on paper. I mean everything. If you would like to clean inside the light switches (don't laugh, I have family members that do that) - write it down. If you want to have clean windows, clean toilet, clean kitchen cabinets, dishwasher emptied/loaded, write a novel, or even replace batteries in your smoke alarm - write it down. Make a list no matter how long.
Using this abbreviated system: How often a job is done on a color 3X5 card.
Excerpts from Sidetracked Home Executives pg 58:
http://www.amazon.com/Sidetracked-Home-Executives-TM-Paradise/dp/0446677671
Frequency: How often a job is to be done.
D = Day
W = Weekly
EOW = Every Other Week
S= Sasonally
EOM = Every Other Month
2/Y = Twice a Year
M = Monthly
Y = Yearly
EOD = Every Other Day
2/W = Twice a week
Color: Which color 3X% card to use for each job.
Y = Yellow
B = Blue
W = White
P = Pink
1. Transfer ALL jobs to cards - one job per card.
2. Make Menu Plan
3. Label blank dividers: Storage, Christmas, Family and Special Projects: any projects that light up your life. File the newly labeled dividers between the months and the alphabet in your box.
4. Put dividers in card file in this order: 1-31, with current date forward; four special dividers; January-December; ABCs; extra cards in back.
5. Make piles of cards according to colors (four piles).
6. Using the calendar and Basic Week Plan, file pink cards first. (Most of them will have specific dates.)
7. File yellow (daily) cards in front of today's date if job has not been done today. Daily jobs already completed can be filed in front of tomorrow's date.
8. File yellow (every-other-day) cards in front of today's date if they haven't been done, or the day after tomorrow if already completed.
9. Sort out blue mini-job cards from the blue pile. Mini-jobs can be filed for any day, even a free day.
10. File all blue (weekly) cards on moderate-cleaning or heavy- cleaning days (except quiet activities, which go on your quiet day).
11. File all blue (every other week) cards up to fourteen days from current date.
12. Separate white (monthly and every other month) cards into three piles: mini-jobs, monthly, and every other month. File white minis anywhere in the numbers.
13. File all white (monthly) cards in the moderate - or heavy cleaning days of the month
14. File every other month white cards in the January-December dividers, TWO MONTHS from the current month.
15. Transfer birthdays and anniveraries from calendar and file in January-December section.
16. Make out white card "Check date" and file in front of number 25.
17. Using old address book or phone book, make out cards on loved ones and often-used phone numbers or places of business and file in ABC section
Please buy the book:
http://www.amazon.com/Sidetracked-Home-Executives-TM-Paradise/dp/0446677671
Blessings in this New Year:
RoRoEbenezer
& HoneyB + Ebenezer and Ginger&Bourbon
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