Apologies to the readership of this blog. I must admit, I didn't think anyone was reading on a regular basis. Now that I do it won't happen again. Please forgive me Lara!
It will be up on Tuesdays.
Christmas.
It's Christmas time. I've had some really big revelations in the last three weeks that I will write about later. These revelations deal with a few unsung heros of the faith. But right now it's Christmas.
As a new single mom, this time of year ranked right up there with a medical breast mammogram. Don't get me wrong. I love Christmas. I love this time of year! Snow, Santa, Presents, Lights!
But there was a time...
I didn't decorate for Christmas for several years after my divorce. In fact, the first time the house was decorated, I came home from my University class to find my kids decorated the house by themselves. Christmas seemed to remind me of a broken home. I was surrounded by happy people in beautiful homes and they had it all together. I wasn't able to do it all. I wasn't able to pull it off. I was flawed and sad and broken.
I've talked before about getting in the car for icecream runs at night. Well, we would get in the car sometimes just to drive around. Granted, gas wasn't as expensive then, but it appeared to be our little safe haven. We weren't reminded that there wasn't someone missing when we were driving around. We could just talk about anything that struck our fancy. And talk we did.
One night during one such drive my firefighter man-child said, "When we're in the car I feel like we are in this bubble of love and nothing hurts as bad".
This particular Christmas the kids asked for some 'Bubble Love Time' and I was pleased to oblige them. I needed a break too.
As we drove around a very prestigious neighborhood we took in all the Christmas beauty. The lights flashed, the trees stood, lit and gorgeous, in the open front windows. As we drove I began to feel a horrible knot growing in my throat. The thoughts of inadequacy and failure trickled into my mind and darkened my heart.
The van was silent as we drove through neighborhood after neighborhood.
And then...
A very quiet man-child voice began to speak.
"You know what, Mom... silence...
Just because these houses are filled with lights and Christmas Trees ... Silence...
Just because everything looks clean and perfect doesn't mean that there's not pain and heartache and problems behind those windows. Everybody has something to get through".
Wisdom from the 13-year-old firefighter man as child.
And everybody does have something to get through...
And get through you will!
RoRoEbeneze
with HoneyB, Ebenezer, Bourbon & Ginger.
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