A daily HELPER for single parents with children

I'm 59 years old.

I was 30ish when my husband left me and married another woman with her own children. The pain I have felt over the years over that 2 year time frame could fill buckets.

I am not here to tell you that the pain will end tomorrow. Your pain could be different than mine.

You might have chosen to leave a bad situation. You might have lost your husband to an accident. The lists of how you might find yourself a Single Mom are endless. But, if you are visiting this place of encouragement, a Single Mom is more than likely your status.

I believe that there was one activity that unfailingly pulled me through the years of raising my children until they were on their own. It is pretty common to talk about. And admittedly I dipped my toe into this activity from the time I was young.

Something changed when I hit this place of confusion. When I hit this place, this place of single with children,  for some reason I really found it to be a lifeline to sanity.

A dear family friend once told me: If you read 5 Psalms and 1 chapter of Proverbs every day, you will go through all of the Psalms and Proverbs in one month. I did that as a teenager and thought - Cool!
(We said Cool! back then :0))

What I did during the years I could barely put one foot in front of the other, I read through them every month, month after month, after month. The entire Psalms. The entire book of Proverbs.

Why?

Psalms is an Emotional Book. It deals with anger, fear, hunger, sadness, frustration, betrayal...

Proverbs is the Book of Wisdom.

I was an emotional roller coaster as a single mother.

I needed as much wisdom to raise my three kids as I could find.

I sat down and counted out 5 Psalms and marked them at these breaks: Psalms 1 (Day 1) Psalms 6 (Day 2) ... Psalm 121 (Day 25).
So on the 1st day of the month I read Psalms 1-5, and follow the month through. Ex: on the 25th day of the month I read Psalms 121-125.

Then after reading the Psalms, I would read the Proverb that correlated to that day of the month.
So on the 1st day of the month I read Proverbs 1, and followed the 2nd day of the month with Proverbs 2.

I know that these two books brought me through years and years of hard life, happy life, sad life, and healed life.

One day in the month doing this is better than none. Every day of the month is a miraculous month. But reading these over the years stabilized me in ways that I could never have known. They grounded me.

Healing is a process. Coming into your own is a process. Finding the right next step is a process. Put into your heart and mind thoughts that build you up and give you honesty within yourself and then follow where your heart and mind lead.

I am 59 years old. My children are grown, with children of their own. I moved to a foreign country as a single woman. I worked there almost 10 years. I met my husband on line and married him two years later.  I am still reading these two books on a daily basis.

I have had a wonderfully adventurous life.

Not all of my life has been happy, not all of it has been sad.

But I can tell you this. All of my life has been richer for reading these two books regularly.

RoRoEbenezer
& HoneyB

As a single parent you might feel this. Feel free to copy it and send it anywhere:
Author unknown:
"Dear Non-Custodial Parent:

Have you called your child today? Seriously. Have you? Did you call them yesterday? The day before? The day before that? Regardless of your physical proximity to your child, you are a PARENT. They know when they are ignored. Think for one moment...Do you have other kids in your home? Would you go days or weeks without speaking to them? Asking how their day was...congratulating them on a test grade or soccer goal? The difference between a non-custodial parent and an absent parent is YOU. How YOU choose to parent your child. "Visiting" you shouldn't be visiting. It should be like finally getting a plate of grandma's biscuits and gravy. It should feel like HOME. How can your house be a home to your children if they don't even know the people in it? If you don't know them. I constantly hear people saying they "can't" because they only get to see their children 4-6 days out of the month...welcome to Oklahoma. The home of the oilfield. Welcome to law enforcement...or fire fighting...or nursing...or, even better, the military. These people continue to have good relationships with their children because they CHOOSE to. They utilize every moment and every new technology to ensure that the bond with their children remains intact in spite of their absence. Co-parenting is what YOU make it. Fancy vacations are not what they will remember...never seeing your face at a football game is. Going to sleep feeling like they have been forgotten is. Anxiety when it is time to "visit" you is.

I do not say all of this to knock NCPs. I say it because it NEEDS to be said. We aren't kids anymore. Times have changed. This isn't our parent's divorce. We have the power CHOOSE the kind of relationships we have with our children. We HAVE Skype...and texting...and picture messaging...and voice notes...and 40 mpg cars. USE THEM. Let your kids know you. Know them. Show them that they are more than a responsibility. Actively seek out ways to communicate. Because I promise you, they are watching and waiting for your call. They are looking to see just who out there is rooting for them. And, really, is it fair to rely on a 5, 8, 10, or 14 year old to facilitate a relationship with a parent? They can barely navigate surface relationships! You have got to meet them halfway. To teach them how to put in work for those they love. How will they learn how to be a husband or a wife, or parents themselves, when they don't see examples of how to work hard for intimacy. How will they know their value when they are expected to fiercely love someone who gives the minimum. Near or far, you have a responsibility to teach them what their love is worth through your actions. Take that responsibility seriously. Love them, learn them, lift them up, answer their questions, celebrate their victories, and dry their tears DAILY. Because, even if you can be distracted from their absence by the tasks of the day, I assure you, they are ALWAYS aware of yours

Share....Share....Share...Share..."

When I was going through this time in my life, we didn't have so many ways to stay connected. But my kids' dad tried. He made most big events and came to games on his weekend. That trying mattered.

RoRoEbenezer
& HoneyB

Where You Live

Every woman should have a castle outside our bedroom window.

I left this castle fairy tale land in November 2014 never to return to live again. My home was within a short 6 minute walk from this castle. I lived in this small resort town for almost 10 years.

Now I reside in another fairy tale. In this fairy tale I have a Prince and we are living a somewhat magical life of marriage. But for over 25 years I lived as a single woman, mother of 3.

I have moved 40 times in my lifetime. Places from East Texas tiny towns to Mega cities. I lived longer in this tiny German resort town than many homes in my past. I learned that where we live does not define us, God does.

This is such an important part of a woman alone raising her children. We can become overwhelmed with the apartment, the tiny house, the big seemingly empty house. Focusing on where we live reduces us to questioning if we have enough for our kids.

Not just enough food, clothes, toys, or activities. But even enough LOVE. Will they be filled up enough when they leave? By making this a priority we tend to leave so many things in the balance. We walk around on eggshells in our own homes. We question everything, and every move we make.

What is the answer to this dilemma? Redefine yourself. Defining from a correct view, a holy viewpoint, a Godly YES!

You see, when we are in this place of questioning and comparing, defining ourselves as anything but lacking is where we end up. And lacking is honestly where we will always end up. Why? Because we do not have the perfect home -- EVER!

We were not made for this world. We were made for the world that we are going to. And how we arrive is through a lifelong journey of ups and downs. So defining ourselves by where we live, and the home we live in is beneath us.

Who are you? A princess. A child of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He bought you with a precious price. The blood of His only Son, Jesus. And because He has paid that price, how He views you can define you.

By accepting that view that He has given you, you remove yourself from comparing yourself to others. You are uniquely ordained. Your place in this world has been given you as a precious gift. And how you live your life becomes an adventure.

Think about the excitement that is instilled in a child that knows their mom is on an adventure. Life is the greatest adventure available. The place you live is simply a place to protect your body from the elements. And if you have that, you have a blessing. It could be a car, a shelter, a hotel room, an apartment, or even a house. But wherever you can cover your body from nature's elements is your place of residence, NOT your home. Your home is beyond this point.

Someday, God may give you a home. He may even give you a Prince to abide with you in that Home. But for now, focus on the wonderful truth that you are on an adventure with the God most High. Share that with your child and watch the light begin to grow in their eyes. It is a wonderful thing to behold. I know. I watched my children as we walked through this adventure, one step at a time.

RoRoEbenezer
&HoneyB

Ebenezer explained